


tea talk (or an ode to lesbian friendships)

by ImSoSupernova



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Healing, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Character, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 11:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14933696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImSoSupernova/pseuds/ImSoSupernova
Summary: “but we can do that now, you know? our life isn’t over just because of what has happened before. now that--that we know this about ourselves, we can learn to choose what will make us happy.”or, after she comes out, noora takes vilde out to breakfast.





	tea talk (or an ode to lesbian friendships)

**Author's Note:**

> this one is for all my amazing wlw friends who have helped me so much <3 <3 <3
> 
> is this betaed?? not really! enjoy <3

after she comes out, noora takes vilde out to breakfast.

she isn’t sure exactly  _ why _ she does it. it’s not a exactly like it’s a holiday or anything. but there’s a some kind of pull inside her, an urge to meet up and talk with vilde. it’s something she can’t really explain.

it’s nothing fancy, just a little cafe that they both like in the city, and the two of them sitting outside in the morning sun. they sip their tea and eat fruit and pancakes with jam and watch the people go by in the morning rush hour. it’s nice, the two of them sitting together in silence. comfortable. 

noora does have something she wants to talk about, though. it’s been sitting on the tip of her tongue ever since they sat down but every time she opens her mouth to say it, it seems to shrink away. like it’s just slightly out of reach. 

“so,” vilde says suddenly. her cheeks are growing pink. “lesbians, right?”

noora grins. vilde’s read her thoughts exactly. “yes,” she says. “lesbians.”

the word is hard to say still, just a bit rough on her tongue, catching a bit in her throat. it’s going to be awhile before she gets used to saying it. sometimes she wonders if she ever will.

“wow,” vilde murmurs, saying what noora’s thinking again. it’s quiet for a moment. then vilde bursts out, “do you ever get scared--by that?”

this makes noora blink.  _ scared?  _ it’s not exactly the word she would use to describe her feelings. but when vilde says it, noora realizes it’s the word she’s been looking for. “yeah,” she breathes. “terrified. all the time.”

vilde nods wordlessly. then she starts talking, the words spilling out, tumbling over themselves like she’s been holding them back for a long time. “whenever i--i see a guy, one who i don’t find unattractive, or a girl that i  _ do, _ and--and--and--what if i’m wrong, you know? what if i--you know, i hate when people say this but--what if i  _ do  _ just need to find the--the right guy and--and i’ll be--” vilde clamps her mouth shut. she doesn’t have to finish the sentence for noora to understand what she means.  _ normal.  _ she reaches over and takes vilde’s hand. “and i  _ know  _ that’s wrong,” vilde continues, speaking very quickly now. “i know--that’s not what i want, and i  _ know  _ i’m not waiting for some--some theoretical guy to come around and change everything. i know what i want now, at least i’m pretty sure, but--i can’t quite stop these thoughts sometimes.”

“yeah,” noora says quietly. everything vilde’s said has been something she’s thought before, those intrusive imposter-syndrome ideas that keep worming their way into her brain. “i know what you mean. sometimes i see a guy and i just think--well, i wouldn’t  _ hate _ it--being... _ with  _ him. like--i could survive it, you know?” vilde nods. she squeezes noora’s hand. and noora remembers something that mari told her once, right after she came out to her. “but--that’s not  _ love, _ you know? it has to be-- _ we  _ have to look for more than that.”

vilde nods. then she smiles at noora, bravely. noora smiles back. in that moment, they both feel seized by some strange, strong emotion, the feeling of being completely, definitively, and deeply understood.

 

after they finish breakfast, vilde suggests that they go for a little walk and noora readily agrees. it’s still early and the streets are pretty quiet as they go by, passing only morning commuters and shop owners fumbling with keys as they open up. the morning’s sunny and bright, warm but with a slight breeze so the air’s perfect and comfortable. it’s beautiful day. vilde can’t help smiling.

they walk to a park and noora finds a nice bench in the sun and vilde sits down beside her, enjoying the warmth of the wood against her back and legs as she stretches out. the breeze ruffles her hair a little as they sit in silence, watching the people and dogs that go by. it’s a nice, quiet moment. it’s a nice, quiet morning.

noora shifts next to vilde, and then she asks, quickly, like she’s afraid to get the words out:  “do you ever--feel sick? because of what you did with him?”

vilde closes her eyes. suddenly, she’s not on the bench in the warm sun with noora. she’s back in a dimly lit bedroom, the sound of christmas music and people chattering worlds away as _ she feels herself be touched, groped, by clumsy, inexperienced hands while she tells herself she likes it, she likes it, she likes it… _

she remembers being surprised when she got sick the next morning. it didn’t feel like her hangover was that bad.

“he was so nice,” she finds herself saying out loud. “i wanted to...to make him happy. so he would keep loving me.”

noora nods and bites her lip. she doesn’t speak for one long moment. then she opens her mouth and says softly, slowly, “sometimes i feel like no matter how many times i shower, i’ll never be able to get his fingerprints off of me. but i want them gone. i want to--to be free, finally. i wish i had never let him lay a hand on me.”

vilde’s throat feels tight. she knows exactly what noora means. sometimes all she can feel is his rough, calloused hands on her body, his dark, wet mouth on hers. how she never really wanted to do what they did, how scared she was, really, terrified, but more scared of losing him, and of letting herself realize what this fear meant.

“me too,” she says. “i wish--i wish i had forced me to be honest with myself. i wish i had made how i felt my top priority, instead of what he felt.” noora nods again. vilde’s suddenly struck by a realization as she sits there, and she turns to look noora in the eye. “but we can do that now, you know? our life isn’t over just because of what has happened before. now that--that we  _ know _ this about ourselves, we can learn to choose what will make us happy.”  _ right? _ she asks silently.

noora smiles. “yeah, we can.”

they sit. they don’t say more.

 

“this is hard,” noora says thoughtfully after a while. “this lesbian thing--it’s hard.”

“it is,” vilde agrees. “but you know, on days like today i can hope--one day it won’t be so bad.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on tumblr @lesbianshaydixon!!


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